May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
I like to give my husband an ego boost. Don’t you think that would backfire? Might he come away with a bit more pride and egotism than he started with, you might ask? I have never found it to be true. Rather, when I have withheld my compliments, stifled any encouragement, held back my prayers, and refused my support, my husband was visibly and negatively the worser for it.
I have heard that many women are hesitant to give their man his due praise. They are waiting for him to love them first. Once he does that, they reason, then they will dole out the loving comments and respectful admiration. I ask you, did Christ wait for you to become a perfect being before so willingly dying on the cross for you sins? I think not. He went before us, and died while we were yet sinners (Romans 5:8). Wife, can you not then sacrificially do the same for you man, who is desperate for your words of affirmation and praise?
Perhaps you have not the viewpoint that I have. It has come through mistakes. I once, like you perhaps, tried the “reverse psychology” method of withholding praise, compliments, and affection in order to change my man into the person I thought he was supposed to be. Really, it was sick. I no longer operate like this. I have learned the value in being a quiet and gentle spirit towards Brett(1Peter 3:4). Oh, sure, my old habits like to occasionally show their ugly face, but, by in large, I am nothing like my old self. Brett would tell you the same.
Your man goes out into the world and meets with all sorts of people. Some are nice to him, some are mean. Some pick on him, some are difficult for your guy to understand. Some are the exact opposite of your husband and he has to constantly defend his personality and actions. Some believe un-godly things and your guy has to withstand persecution. Then, he comes home after working all day with these different personalities, into your loving, respectful, encouraging arms. Or does he? Maybe you, his beloved, are the worst enemy he confronts all day.
Last summer I asked Brett, “What can I do for you this week to help you out?” And, all he said was, “Be sweet.” I could do that! I was sweet to him. I talked sweet. I acted sweet. I did sweet things for him. What happened? He was sweet back to me. He was sweet to the children. I saw his attitude change about many things. He was a happier husband because he had a wife who wanted only the very best for him.
What can you do to give your man an ego boost? It’s really quite easy and inexpensive. First, apologize to your man for not being his number one cheerleader. Then, go about becoming his number one cheerleader! Here’s some of my tips:
- Send encouraging text messages, emails, or phone calls during the week
- Write a card thanking him for being the man you’ve always wanted, for being courageous, for being a unique person
- Iron his clothes or buy him a new outfit
- Take a bath or shower with him
- Give him a backrub or footrub without him asking you too
- Drive down to his office looking cute and take him out to McDonald’s or some other place to eat
- Have the children make cards for him
- Greet him with a hug and kiss when he gets home from work
- Tell him “thank you for working so hard for our family”
- Believe the best about him
- Encourage him to do the godly thing by saying, “I know you feel this way, but I know you will obey God in this matter.”
- Allow him to go and do “guy” stuff without getting irritated
- Try to learn to do something he enjoys but you don’t neccessarily care for
- Never, EVER talk poorly of your husband in another person’s company
- Pray for him daily
- Enjoy love-making if you are healthy
- Make time for dates
- Sit next to him on the couch without demanding conversation
- Be a flirt
- Don’t be a nag
- Have a meal ready for him when he comes home
I have made all the mistakes in the book. I know what you are thinking; I know how you can rationalize away doing what is right by focusing only on his actions, his words, his choices, but I lovingly remind you, it’s not about you! It’s about Christ Jesus and not blaspheming the Word of God (Titus 2:5).