Category Archives: LoveYourHusband

Feb22

Tip #9: Dos and Don’t To Intimacy

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“ Here’s a little something to remember me by….”

Do consider having sex with your husband before he leaves on a trip and when he comes back from a trip. I suppose you could try to make it something memorable, too!   I was just talking to a friend who told me that this is advice she has received from an older married woman.  This particular woman’s husband travels quite a bit for work and he said that he won’t even stay at hotels with pay- per-view options, that’s how tempting it is.  He is blessed by her offer of intimacy whenever he leaves for a trip, as this serves as a protection for him.

Don’t assume that it’s easy being a man in this world.  We ladies do not have a clue what kind of sexual temptations men face on a daily basis. Everywhere they look they are visually bombarded by images that are quite provocative.   Be sensitive to the men of this world in our own dress, manners, and words.

(Note: Each person, male and female, has a choice.  People can still choose to sin sexually, even if the spouse has been generous with sexual intimacy.  Be able to look Jesus in the face and hear Him say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” You alone are accountable for your own actions and motives.)

-Kath

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Feb16

His Annoying Habits

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 When will he notice how annoyed I am?

A certain yellow, slightly beat- up, Nalgene water bottle is plopped onto my kitchen counter every morning.  For whatever reason, it annoys me that my better half continues to put this water bottle on the counter every day rather than walk it two steps further to the refrigerator. I have asked him (repeatedly) to please put the water bottle away.  He probably just forgets.  This is a really annoying habit of his that I really don’t care for.

In our bathroom, I keep my curling iron on Brett’s side of the sink, plugged into his outlet.   He has repeatedly asked me to move my hair appliance, as the cord gets in the way while he shaves.  I like the lighting on his side of the sink better, so I prefer keeping it on his side. Not unplugging the curling iron after I’m done and moving it out of his way is easy to forget.  And, it is a really annoying habit of mine that Brett doesn’t care for.

Why all this nonsense about our really annoying habits?  Well, this morning, when I was annoyed by the water bottle, I realized that I have my own habits that annoy him equally.  If I can’t conquer mine, for my husband’s sake, why should I expect him to conquer his?

As women, we can get bent out of shape- quickly- over our husband’s annoying habits.  Whether your husband leaves the seat up, doesn’t brush his teeth at night, indulges in too much ice cream, hogs the remote control, regulates the thermostat to his liking, or winds up the children right before bed, we ladies can get annoyed by our men, never thinking that we can really annoy them, too!  I’m certainly not perfect, so why do I fuss about someone else’s imperfections?

Before you get annoyed about something your guy does today, take a deep breath, and examine yourself first.

Now, excuse me, I have to go unplug a curling iron…

-Kath

Feb14

Tip #8: Dos and Donts to Intimacy

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“Honey, I’m stressed out.  Can we make love?”

Tip #8

DO use love-making with your spouse as a way to relieve stress.  If your husband is going through a particularly difficult season with work, for example, offer yourself up regularly and with passionate interest (i.e. don’t just lay there…get into it!).  As Andy Stanley says, “Make love a verb!”

DON’T use love-making as something he gets when he “earns” it from you.  Your body is not for yourself only, but for your husband’s (and vice versa.)  and only giving him intimate relations when he’s been a “good boy” is wrong thinking on your part.

I mentioned Andy Stanley…here is a great sermon he gave titled:  ”Staying in Love” for InTouch Ministry

http://www.intouch.org/broadcast/audio-archives  (part 1)

http://www.intouch.org/broadcast/audio-archives  (part 2)

-Kath

Read Tip #7

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Feb6

He Was Bragging On Me

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“Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.’”

Proverbs 31:28-29

Let me tell you a story.  It happened to me just this weekend and I would like to share it not out of pride or vanity but out of a deep awe of what God has done in my life through the work of the Holy Spirit and my willingness to obey God’s Word.  I tell it to you because I am a woman with many flaws and faults.  I am a real woman, a real mother, a real wife.  I have my own struggles and issues, yet I want to tell you a story of a small victory that I pray will encourage you to obey Scripture with pure motives.

We are on a mini -vacation this weekend, with Brett’s employer group.  We are here without our children.  It is wonderful!  After a nice dinner yesterday evening, we walked back to the hotel and stopped at the hotel lounge/ bar to visit with Brett’s co-workers.  As we sat chatting with a few couples, a new employee and his wife  stopped by to say hi to the collective group.  As we were introduced, the wife said, “Oh, you are the sweet wife I keep hearing about.  You take care of the children and you let your husband go do his own thing when he wants.  My husband keeps telling me I need to take lessons from you.”

I couldn’t believe my ears.  First, I stumbled through a few paltry, “thanks-you’s” and then tried to quickly explain that no, I wasn’t always such a sweet wife, but I have learned how to be a better wife by making many mistakes.  I tried to convey to her and her husband that I have many areas in which I could improve.  Really, I was taken aback by this compliment, but what was truly going on in my mind was, “My husband has been bragging on me at work!”

Truly it is amazing to think that my husband had been speaking so highly of me to this man with regard to my role as his wife.  It gave me a sense of romance towards Brett to know that he thinks I have proven to be a good wife to him.  What thankfulness I have  to God for transforming my marriage, transformation borne out of some pain and major disobedience on my part.  Ladies, I tell you this, because this could be your story, too.  I tell you this, because just a few years prior, my wifely testimony would not have sounded so glowing.  I want your character to be known at the “city gates” (Proverbs 31:31). Your husband is a happy man when his wife fears the Lord to such a degree that she is willing to submit to his God-given authority as her husband.

I encourage you to partner with the Holy Spirit  to become a wife who can be praised by her husband.  Your marriage will be sweeter, more romantic.  Your home life will start to become lovely and peaceful.  Your children will be joyful and content.  Your husband will be stronger, more motivated to succeed (in a good and godly way), and more spiritually lead than ever before if you will allow your heart to be transformed into the woman God has called you to become.  How do I know?  It has happened to me.  It is still happening.

Thank you, Jesus!

-Kath

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Jan26

He Needs an Ego Boost

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May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Romans 15:5

I like to give my husband an ego boost.  Don’t you think that would backfire?  Might he come away with a bit more pride and egotism than he started with, you might ask?  I have never found it to be true.  Rather, when I have withheld my compliments, stifled any encouragement, held back my prayers, and refused my support, my husband was visibly and negatively the worser for it.

I have heard that many women are hesitant to give their man his due praise.  They are waiting for him to love them first.  Once he does that, they  reason, then they will dole out the loving comments and respectful admiration.  I ask you, did Christ wait for you to become a perfect being before so willingly dying on the cross for you sins?  I think not.  He went before us, and died while we were yet sinners (Romans 5:8).  Wife, can you not then sacrificially do the same for you man, who is desperate for your words of affirmation and praise?

Perhaps you have not the viewpoint that I have.  It has come through mistakes.  I once, like you perhaps, tried the “reverse psychology” method of withholding praise, compliments, and affection in order to change my man into the person I thought he was supposed to be.  Really, it was sick.  I no longer operate like this.  I have learned the value in being a quiet and gentle spirit towards Brett(1Peter 3:4).  Oh, sure, my old habits like to occasionally show their ugly face, but, by in large, I am nothing like my old self.  Brett would tell you the same.

Your man goes out into the world and meets with all sorts of people.  Some are nice to him, some are mean.  Some pick on him, some are difficult for your guy to understand.  Some are the exact opposite of your husband and he has to constantly defend his personality and actions.  Some believe un-godly things and your guy has to withstand persecution.  Then, he comes home after working all day with these different personalities, into your loving, respectful, encouraging arms.  Or does he?  Maybe you, his beloved, are the worst enemy he confronts all day.

Last summer I asked Brett, “What can I do for you this week to help you out?”  And, all he said was, “Be sweet.”  I could do that!  I was sweet to him.  I talked sweet.  I acted sweet.  I did sweet things for him.  What happened?  He was sweet back to me.  He was sweet to the children.  I saw his attitude change about many things.  He was a happier husband because he had a wife who wanted only the very best for him.

What can you do to give your man an ego boost?  It’s really quite easy and inexpensive.  First, apologize to your man for not being his number one cheerleader.  Then, go about becoming his number one cheerleader!  Here’s some of my tips:

  • Send encouraging text messages, emails, or phone calls during the week
  • Write a card thanking him for being the man you’ve always wanted, for being courageous, for being a unique person
  • Iron his clothes or buy him a new outfit
  • Take a bath or shower with him
  • Give him a backrub or footrub without him asking you too
  • Drive down to his office looking cute and take him out to McDonald’s or some other place to eat
  • Have the children make cards for him
  • Greet him with a hug and kiss when he gets home from work
  • Tell him “thank you for working so hard for our family”
  • Believe the best about him
  • Encourage him to do the godly thing by saying, “I know you feel this way, but I know you will obey God in this matter.”
  • Allow him to go and do “guy” stuff without getting irritated
  • Try to learn to do something he enjoys but you don’t neccessarily care for
  • Never, EVER talk poorly of your husband in another person’s company
  • Pray for him daily
  • Enjoy love-making if you are healthy
  • Make time for dates
  • Sit next to him on the couch without demanding conversation
  • Smile!
  • Laugh!
  • Be a flirt
  • Don’t be a nag
  • Have a meal ready for him when he comes home

I have made all the mistakes in the book.  I know what you are thinking; I know how you can rationalize away doing what is right  by focusing only on his actions, his words, his choices, but I lovingly remind you, it’s not about you!  It’s about Christ Jesus and not blaspheming the Word of God (Titus 2:5).

-Kath

Jan18

Do You Still Captivate Your Husband?

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“A loving doe, a graceful deer-may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.” Proverbs 5:19

I confess, I have fallen in love…with the book of Proverbs. I am reading through it right now and it is so full of great teaching and I want to hide it in my heart. I came across this tiny little verse- Proverbs 5:19. One might read it, and thinking for only a second continue on. But though this verse is small, it holds so much meaning in regards to wives.

I want to start by saying a man is blessed if he finds a wife in his youth (5:18). But what kind of a wife should she be? A loving graceful doe. How many of us today are loving and graceful towards our husbands? Too often I believe our husbands arrive home to find a wife that does nothing but vent, criticize, argue, huff and puff. Did God say that a man who has a huffy puffy wife is blessed? No. A loving wife. A graceful wife.

When I wake up in the morning I can easily decide it’s just going to be one of “those” days, and the whole day is bad. I have set myself up for failure in the morning and the whole household feels it, my kids and especially my husband. If I wake up in the morning and I burn breakfast or my hand on my curling iron, I can still decide to have a great day. God is watching me, encouraging me to follow Him, not to follow my flesh and Satan.

Ok, let’s continue. “Our breasts are to satisfy our husbands always”. Now, I have nursed 4 babies and know that breasts serve multiple purposes. Sometimes it is hard to switch back and forth. But God has put a longing for breasts inside our husbands. There are multiple verses in the Bible about husbands and breasts. Don’t deny your husband a longing that God has put inside him. Satan did not put that desire into him, God did.

And the verse finishes with ‘always be captivated by her love’. Do you still captivate your husband? When my husband and I were courting (or dating or whatever) I did anything and everything to captivate him and get his attention. He loves swimming in muddy mucky lakes (filled with snakes probably) and one time I did it with him. I swam in it, way back then, but I would never do it now! I wanted to captivate him. I was always sweet with him and barely argued. I wanted him for myself so I was on my best behavior. After we married things changed.  I could argue and stand up for MY RIGHTS…right? Needless to say we had trouble. I no longer captivated him the way I did when we courted. I needed a change- a biblical transformation. I still need to keep myself in check to make sure my love captivates him. He should be captivated by me. Not frustrated with me, or bitter with me, or find me a nag. Make sure you are still captivating to your husband. This is God’s purpose for you and it is wonderful!

-Amy

Jan17

Where Are The Older Women?

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Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slave to much wine.  They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self- controlled, pure, working at home, kind, submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

Titus 2:3

Brett was looking at an older photo of us, taken about 10 years ago, and he said, “Wow, you look young there.”   I wondered what he was implying…but was happy in my heart to know that I have gotten older.  I am an older woman.  Now, I’m not an old woman, and I’m sure you’re not either, even if you’re 96.  Old implies out of use, decayed, or totally useless.  As we get older in the Lord, we are responsible for training up the younger women. And, we are to continue being mentored by someone older in the faith.  It goes both ways.

It is easy for me to find older women to train me because I really like older women.  I joke that I am alternately both a 12 year- old and a 80 year- old captured in a 35 year old body.  I get along well with children and older women.  Befriending older women has never been difficult for me, and I’m sure I’ve been branded a bit odd because most of my peer group grew up in the age of the Beatles.  But, I am so blessed by their wisdom!  If you are looking for strength, encouragement, and godly advice, find an older Christian woman you can befriend.  Be so bold as to call them up on the phone and ask them to help you.  I became friendly with a woman from church by asking her to come over and give me a sewing lesson.  She and I have been friends for 6 years and she is like an aunt to our children.  I can ask her anything and she always listens and encourages me.

Older women are valuable to God.  He knows we like to talk, and so He designed it so that we can use our mouths and our minds to help train younger women.  At Obedient Beauty, we try to model this design and encourage you to obey Scripture.  We are still learning from God, from the Bible, and from the older women in our lives.  If you are wondering what kind of ministry calling is on your life…start by becoming a Titus 2 woman to someone younger in the faith than you!  You don’t have to be numerically older than someone to be wiser in God’s Word.  Have a humble, teachable heart yourself, and you can bet God will place a younger baby Christian woman to minister to.  Have her over for coffee, listen to her stories, encourage her with the things that God is teaching you.

Older women are essential to growing God’s kingdom.  They are essential in helping women build up godly homes.  If you need help building your home, find an older woman.  If you are seeing fruit in your obedience to Scripture, become an older woman to someone.  You will be blessed either way.  Let the growing and training in the Lord never stop!

-Kath

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Jan16

Submission: Easy or Hard?

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Do you find in your marriage that it is easy to submit when you like what your husband is doing but hard when you disagree?

During our marriage, my husband and I, have found that I am amazing at submitting when I like what he wants to do but I am terrible when I don’t like it. This scripture helps me.

1 Peter 3: 1-6

“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their husbands like, Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.”

I am not saying don’t say a word if your husband wants to do something. Many times, my husband will want to do something and if I disagree I will say something. He may say, ‘Oh, that makes perfect sense, lets not do it.’ But sometimes he still says, ‘I think it’s best for us’ and I say ok because I want to be a daughter of Sarah. How beautiful Sarah must have been that God would pick her out and address her in scripture. She submitted and even called her husband master or lord. It may not be easy to submit but look at the treasure of submission. We are blessed and beautiful is God’s sight. It is also a wonderful protection for us (see submission is our protection). So choose to seek godly submission. It will bless you and if you have daughters it will also bless them. There are not too many fine examples of submission for future girls to witness. Set yourself and your daughter up for success. Submit to your husband.

There are many women to look up to in the scriptures but Sarah is one of my favorites. Look at Ruth’s life, Hannah’s, Esther’s, Naomi’s. They are wonderful women.

-Amy

Jan10

Your Submission is Your Protection

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Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him.”

Genesis 2:18

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

 Ephesians 5:22, 24

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.

 1 Peter 3:1,2

I would like to encourage you ladies today in the area of submission.  It is so difficult to submit and follow our husband’s authority.  There were many years in my marriage when I pretended I was submissive and my heart was really bitter towards Brett and his choices.  None of his choices were ungodly, they were just not what I would have preferred.  Isn’t that interesting?  I would throw many a fit about decisions my husband would make, even ones that weren’t sinful, causing discord in our home.  I would withhold affection and love whenever he made a decision I didn’t agree with.  I was a contentious woman.  May I encourage you with my story?

By the grace of God, I realized my role as his wife.  I realized that I was called to be a helper to my husband.  I realized that I wasn’t really obedient to God’s Word because I wasn’t  submissive to Brett’s God-given authority in our marriage.  When my husband makes a decision I don’t totally agree with, I have a choice.  I can submit and be protected by God by my obedience or I can sin by disobeying my husband or getting angry.  When I choose to sin, I fall out of God’s protection.  When I submit I am protected.

A few weeks ago, Brett and I were on the hunt for some firewood for our fireplace. Our friends had some wood on their property that we could have, so we drove over there with our four kids and two dogs.  We were planning on getting the wood in the car and then running our other errands.  When we got to our friend’s house, there was snow on the steep embankment down to their wood pile. Brett thought it would be smarter to drive down the steep, snowy hill and load the car next to the wood pile.  I suggested otherwise.  “Brett,” I said calmly (for once!), “this is not a good idea, we’ll never make it.  I will carry the wood up to you.  I don’t mind.  Please, though, don’t go down this hill!”  Well, you can probably guess what happened.  We drove down that hill and promptly got stuck in the snow and had to call a tow truck to pull us out.  $200 is a lot of money for firewood, don’t you think?

I submitted to Brett’s decision.  He made a foolish decision, but when I went along with his plan without further complaint, it made the mess we were in much less messy.  If I had berated him, yelled at him, called him foolish, argued and caused more stress, it would’ve gotten ugly.  I really felt like God showed me that when I submit, He will protect.  I was very fearful that we were going to crash into a large tree.  I was fearing that our children would be harmed.  But, I submitted and God protected.

When you are faced with a decision that you don’t agree with and your husband has decided to go against your counsel, then rest in the knowledge that you will be protected by God.  Your man has to answer for the decisions he makes in regards to your family.  That’s a very freeing truth!  God sees your obedience and will reward you.

-Kath

Jan6

Husbands: Sex and You

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Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you.

Genesis 3:16

 Sex.  It’s a mysterious thing, isn’t it?  In a Christian marriage, it’s a beautiful thing.  It is symbolic of Christ and His Bride (the church), it is the union of one man and one woman, it is the act that produces godly seed, and last, but not least, it’s just plain ol’ fun!  Sex is simultaneously complex and simple.  Much like our faith.
Bottom line:  Have some good old fashioned sex with your husband tonight.  Do whatever you need to do to “get into the mood.” Maybe whisper in your man’s ear that you are going to run up to the store to pick out a special outfit for him that evening and that you need some spending money to do so.  You’ll never see a wallet whip out so fast!  Maybe take a long bath after the kids are in bed and call him up to join you.  I don’t know- you can be creative without my help, I’m sure!
Your husband loves your body.  He thinks you’re beautiful.  Don’t fall into the trap of the world and think you have to be absolutely thin, tan, and fit to be sexually desirous to your husband.  Our husband’s are not that complicated!   He longs to be intimate and enjoy a rompous roll in the sack with you.  It’s so good for you, too!  Healthy, regular, spontaneous love-making must be part of our marriages.
Obviously, if there is a medical condition prohibiting you from having sex, then by all means, abstain.  Our bodies have been made not for ourselves, but for our spouses.  There are times when we can give more sexually, and times when we are unable.

Christian marriages should be marked by a hunger and thirst for Jesus, a desire to know Him more, and to make disciples in Jesus’ name.  But, wouldn’t it be wonderful to see Christian marriages that are unified on all fronts- spiritually and sexually?  So, pray today, for unity in your marriage, on all fronts.

-Kath