“Honey, I’m stressed out. Can we make love?”
Tip #8
DO use love-making with your spouse as a way to relieve stress. If your husband is going through a particularly difficult season with work, for example, offer yourself up regularly and with passionate interest (i.e. don’t just lay there…get into it!). As Andy Stanley says, “Make love a verb!”
DON’T use love-making as something he gets when he “earns” it from you. Your body is not for yourself only, but for your husband’s (and vice versa.) and only giving him intimate relations when he’s been a “good boy” is wrong thinking on your part.
I mentioned Andy Stanley…here is a great sermon he gave titled: ”Staying in Love” for InTouch Ministry
http://www.intouch.org/broadcast/audio-archives (part 1)
http://www.intouch.org/broadcast/audio-archives (part 2)
-Kath
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Hello, visiting from Growing Home’s link up. I like this truthful post and am proud to say I am living it out
By the way, this blog has beautiful pictures and I really like the posts, I’ll be sure to stop by again!
Glad someone had the nerve to just say it! I fear too many don’t realize this VERY important part of marriage blessing
Thanks, sweet Del! We are blessed by your visit. Glad to hear you have a happy, fulfilled love-life!
I remember reading an article to my husband that stated sex helps relieve headaches and stress. So now if I even mention the words ‘headache’ or ‘stressed’ he gives me a knowing look. He is way better than popping an advil!
I love that phrase “offer yourself up.” How very appropriate and romantic. That’s how we should view sex. I know there is a biblical obligation or duty, if you will, concerning sex within a marriage, but to have your wife come to you and offer herself up. Wow!, I get goose bumps just running that movie in my head, but I’m a sentimental and sensitive kind of guy with a romantic flair and a writer to boot so, yeah, “offer yourself up.” Wow! I’ll be using that a lot. How perfect.
My wife has body image issues. No matter how much I tell her my eyes do not see reality and that I love her body just as it is, she can’t be naked in front of me in full light. No showering together, no day sex, always very dim lights. I was having a talk with her the other night and the subject came up because of the jacket to the book I have been reading, “Reclaiming Desire,” Goldstein and Brandon authors. The image in the lower third of the jacket is of two arms extending upward out of the back of a white convertible with a pink bra hanging from one of the hands. She had asked what I was reading and I showed her the book with the jacket. Later in our conversation about the book the subject of reasons for low libido came up and I said one contributing aspect can be psychological when women have body dismorphic issues. They sublimate there sexual desire to aviod exposing their bodies to someone who may judge them negatively, which in that case is the womednt themselves and everyone else, no exceptions for even husbands.They feel shame about their bodies and avoid exhibiting them for any reason.
I told her that what I wished for her was the ability and desire to stand in front of me, reach up and open a front-hook bra and offer her breasts and body to me freely, willingly and with a feeling of joy and anticipation. Just the way Eve would have done with Adam before the fall. No shame, no embarrassment, no guilt, no reservations. Just here I am for your pleasure, which in the end will be her pleasure as well. I know deep inside her it isn’t about me. It is about her body image. No matter how many times i assure her I am in love with her body just as it is, she says she just can’t believe that. Any woman who says that to any husband whom she readily acknowledges would have sex with her anytime, anyplace and under any conditions is denying the real problem. It isn’t him and a trust issue, it’s her and a body issue. How do we married couples solve it? And yes, it is a big issue for your husband who is very visually oriented. He may say otherwise for your peace of mind, but watch his eyes the next time you are having sex. Is he always looking you in the eyes? Does he have his eyes closed? Don’t think so.
Sounds like I am hung up on seeing my wife naked, doesn’t it? Well, why not, no apologies there. But, as I further explained to her, the real benefit of getting to that point is not the fulfillment of my desire toward her, The real benefit is the place her mind will be in when she is able to put aside her comtempt for and shame surrounding her body (No, I didn’t use those exact terms with her, Not crazy here.). It should be her normal desire to be naked before me, her life mate and lover. It should be normal for her to love her body for it’s uniqueness and what it has to offer each of us in the way of sexual pleasure. She should be able to drop that bra and take joy in what she sees in my eyes and feel no intimidation or distrust. Still sounds like it’s all about sex doesn’t it. Just listen for one more second though. The bottom line is this. If she develops a healthy body image and is able to love herself as she is, that attitude will be coming from a place of confidence, high self-esteem, respect of herself as she is, healthy sexual desire, and she will have more contentment with her life. That is really the long-term goal and what I desire as the end result for her. Stop the limiting, negative self-judging behavior that is holding you back from your full potential in so many other areas. And if I get more naked time in the light with her as a result, that would be good too. A little fear can cause a lot of problem. We need you ladies to overcome this. What can we do to help?